Link: On the Receiving End of a Sociopath’s Lies: A Victim's Impact Statement
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| Meslow's Hierarchy of Needs |
Link: Suicide is a recognized consequence of bullying; name-calling and public humiliation are recognized as among the forms that bullying takes; and falsely branding someone a stalker or child abuser, for example, certainly qualifies as publicly humiliating name-calling. Whether someone is disparaged on the playground, on Facebook, in a courtroom, or in the headlines makes absolutely no difference; the effect is the same, and it may be unbearable. This stuff shouldn’t need to be pointed out to grown-ups. But since the fatal consequences of false accusation don’t support any dominant political agendas—and may undermine them—they’re ignored. That people are harried and hectored by lies, sometimes to death, is an inconvenient truth.
"Faith in the conceit that restraining orders are minor impingements on defendants’ lives depends on accepting that being falsely, publically, and permanently labeled a stalker or batterer, for example, shouldn’t interfere with a person’s comfort, equanimity, or ability to realize his or her dreams. Such faith is founded, in other words, on the fantastical belief that wrongful vilification won’t exercise a detrimental influence on a person’s mental state, won’t affect his or her familial and social relationships, won’t negatively impact his or her employment and employability, etc.Clearly such faith is beyond unreasonable; it’s inane. Being forced to live with false allegations can be crippling—for painfully obvious reasons. Whether a person is forced to agonize in a cell or is permitted to agonize in his or her place of choice is of scant significance to the emotional well-being of the sufferer. Prison isn’t just an environment, and arresting someone doesn’t require handcuffs."
Link: How False Accusations Permanently Decimate Lives, Making it a Perfect Tool for Abusers to use Against their Victims
..."This argument—ye olde non sequitur again—ignores (among a great many other considerations) that there are women who are battered and/or raped who are also then falsely accused by their batterers or rapists to compound the violation and conceal their crimes. In some cases, at least, feminists who deny legal abuse and its horrors abet batterers and rapists of women."Link: Why Women Who Are Falsely Implicated as Abusers Have No Defenders
Link: How Abusers Use Fraudulently Obtained Protective Orders as State Sanctioned Licenses to Control, Stalk and Intimidate their Victims for Power and Control So Calculated that Victims may be Prevented from Attending School, Going to Work, or Even Being Able to Reside in Their Own Homes
The fraudulently obtained protective order is the new tool of abuse for abusers to obtain total power and control over their victims. The protective order is obtained using false allegations of domestic violence and abuse against the victim in an open court of law without due process or an evidentiary hearing. The protective order is then used as a state sanctioned license to stalk, harass, intimidate and continue to abuse the victim. The victim lives in constant fear that they will be arrested and incarcerated anytime the abuser chooses to place their victims in jail -- thereby playing the victims of their own crimes. This is the new "white collar" form of domestic violence and abuse. It is a tactic used by both men and women, to gain the upper hand in a divorce or custody battle, or to have a domestic partner simply removed from a lease and trespassed from their own homes. In the case of a victims' terrible misfortune of coupling with a psychopath or sociopath suffering from a narcissistic and borderline personality disorder - the protective order is fraudulently obtained by means of false accusations of domestic violence abuse simply to gain total power and control over their victims; while simultaneously intentionally inflicting emotional distress to hurt, humiliate and publicly harm the reputations of their victims. This in and of itself allows the abuser to compromise the integrity of their victims with a permanent public record -- thereby slandering and defaming the character of their victims. This not only serves to satisfy the malicious intent of the abuser: it also renders the victim helpless in any and all attempts to plead innocence and defend themselves to law enforcement and the courts. Acts of malicious intent by way of falsifying police reports, manufacturing evidence and committing perjury in a court of law -- all crimes at a felony offense level -- go criminally unprosecuted because restraining order courts are of a civil nature, held by low level officials **with no due process**. Any attempts by the victims to file complaints or police reports of their own are useless and futile attempts to protect themselves because probable cause cannot be proven -- a victim simply cannot *prove* with tangible evidence the intent or motive of the abuser. All attempts by victims to file complaints or police reports to protect themselves DO embolden and provoke the abuser to escalate the abusive behavior toward the victim to the point where the victim cannot attend school, go to work, or even leave the premises of their own homes out of living in a constant state of fear the abuser will have them arrested on a whim: without due process and without protection the victim is ultimately under the total power and control of the abuser. Law enforcement and the legal system (the courts, the judges, the attorneys) are all simply pawns in the sociopath's sick game of abuse of process: carefully constructed web of lies is in itself so complex that victims are powerless to prove they are the victims of abuse, not perpetrators. Over time after victims are professionally and academically destroyed, publicly humiliated and ultimately alienated and completely isolated from their community, their friends and even their own families, the victims begin to doubt themselves and eventually lose all sense of their identities as human beings. Many commit suicide as a result of the abuse.
Link: Abuse of Process, Malicious Prosecution and Using Law Enforcement and the Legal System as a Tool for Power and Control - How One Man Did Not Survive the Legal Trauma
"The love that my daughter and I shared was truly special. She is a such a sweet, kind and gentle spirit. I am so sorry that I will not be there to see her grow into a beautiful woman. It absolutely crushed me to not be in her life over the last three years. I worked very hard as a father to build her confidence and self-esteem. She is smart, funny and considerate, but she didn’t know it yet. I pray that she realizes her strengths and her confidence in herself will continue to grow. I love you dearly, [name redacted].
My son [name redacted] was just entering Kindergarten, when I lost access to him. He is gregarious, outgoing and a great athlete. He is smart and fearless. He could have just as much fun by himself as he could with other kids. Even the older boys in our neighbourhood wanted to play with [name redacted]. It absolutely breaks my heart that I will not be able to help him grow into a man. I love you to, [name redacted]. I miss you both so much.
My identity was taken from me, as result of this process. When it began, I was a commercial real estate broker with CB Richard Ellis. I lived by the Golden rule and made a living by bringing parties together and finding the common ground. My reputation as a broker was built on my honesty and integrity. When it ended, I was broke, homeless, unemployed and had no visitation with my own children.
I had no confidence and was paralyzed with fear that I would be going to jail whenever my ex-wife wanted. Nothing I could say or do would stop it. This is what being to death or ‘targeted’ by a psychopath looks like. This is the outcome. I didn’t somehow change into a ‘high-conflict’ person or lose my ability to steer clear of the law. I’ve had never been arrested, depressed, homeless or suicidal before this process. The stress and pressure applied to me was deliberate and nothing I could do or say would get me any relief. Nothing I or my attorneys said to my ex-wife’s attorney or to the Court made any difference. Truth, facts, evidence or even the best interest of my children had no affect on the outcome.
The family court system is broken, but from my experience, it is not the laws, its the lawyers. They feed off of the conflict. They are not hired to reduce conflict or protect the best interest of children, which is why third parties need to be involved. It should be mandatory for children to have a guardian ad litem, with extensive training in abuse and aggression.
It is absolutely shameful that the Fairfax County Court did nothing to intervene or understand the ongoing conflict. Judge Randy Bellows also used the Children as punishment, by withholding access for failing to fax a receipt. The entire conflict centered around the denial of access to the children, it was inconceivable to me that he would use children like this. This is exactly what my ex-wife was doing and now Judge Bellows was doing it for her.
To all my family, friends and the people that supported me through this process, I am so sorry. I know my reactions and behavior throughout this process did not always make sense. None of this made sense to me either. I had no help and the only suggestion I got from my attorneys was to remain silent.
At first, I did what I was told, remained silent and listened to my attorneys. Then after I had given my ex-wife full custody to try and appease her, I learned about Psychopathy and emailed Dr. Samenow about my concerns and asked him for help. Of course, I was ignored. As the conflict continued, I was forced to defend myself. When that didn’t work, I thought I could get the help I needed by speaking out. There is no right or wrong way to defend yourself from abuse. Naively, I thought that abuse was abuse and it would be recognized and something would be done. I thought speaking out would end the abuse or at least get them to back off. It didn’t. When no one did anything they were emboldened.
I took my own life because I had come to the conclusion that there was nothing I could do or say to end the abuse. Every time I got up off my knees, I would get knocked back down. They were not going to let me be the father I wanted to be to my children. People may think I am a coward for giving up on my children, but I didn’t see how I was going to heal from this. I have no money for an attorney, therapy or medication. I have lost four jobs because of this process. I was going to be at their mercy for the rest of my life and they had shown me none.
Being alienated, legally abused, emotionally abused, isolated and financially ruined are all a recipe for suicide. I wish I were stronger to keep going, but the emotional pain and fear of going to court and jail [because of exorbitant child support] became overwhelming. I became paralyzed with fear. I couldn’t flee and I could not fight. I was never going to be allowed to heal or recover. I wish I were better at articulating the psychological and emotional trauma I experienced.
I could fill a book with all the lies and mysterious rulings of the Court. Never have I experienced this kind of pain. I asked for help, but good men did nothing and evil prevailed. All I wanted was a Guardian Ad Litem for my children. Any third party would have been easily been able to confirm or refute all of my allegations, which is why none was ever appointed to protect the children or reduce the conflict.
Abuse is about power and control. Stand up for the abused and speak out. If someone speaks out about abuse, believe them.
Please teach my children empathy and about emotional invalidation and ‘gas-lighting’ or they may end up like me.
God have mercy on my soul"
- Chris Mackney (1968-2013) a victim of domestic violence abuse whose former partner used law enforcement and the legal system as a tool of power and control
